Awakening

The other day while setting up for an upcoming session, Trey decides to crawl in front of my camera and model for me.

At first he was acting goofy and loving the camera - dirty face and all. Notice the scratch? An answer to why he's got that at the end.

Then he started to give me the stink eye.

He started to perk up some more and like the camera again.

After that, it just turned to pure boredom.

That felt good.

It's been a rough ride over the past few months with our little "Punky" (that's my new name for him). If you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, refer to this post a couple months back.

When we got the wonderful news that our Punky does not have the Chari Malformation, we were relieved. At the appointment to find out that wonderful news, the neurosurgeon did however find another marker that could suggest a form of Spina Bifida. Right before Christmas we headed once again to Spectrum for another MRI, this time of his lower spine. It was much easier this round. Punky swallowed some magic liquid that put him in a deep sleep within 10 minutes. They whisked him away and a half hour later he was in my arms again. Much better than last time. December 22nd I received a phone call that the marker that they saw was just that, a marker. Punky does not have what they were looking for. I was literally a wreck for the 3 months while all the testing and research was being done to him. I was thankful that we could at least enjoy our Christmas.

This experience has really changed my outlook on life. Punky is developmentally delayed. He is almost 17 months and he finally learned to crawl the correct way last week. It's been really hard for me as his mom to not compare him to other children his age and see where he should be at. I found myself often wishing he was further along developmentally than he was. At the place where we worship, they have child care in the infant years associated with the child's development. There are the newly born, the non-mobile, crawlers, and an 18-24 months section. I always felt the need to explain why Punky was still in the non-mobile room when he was 14 months old. It was heavy on my heart that Punky wasn't where he should be at... he wasn't "normal". I was at Mary Free Bed last week because Punky needed his helmet adjusted and checked. While sitting in the waiting room I met this adorable little 3 year old boy. This little buddy came right up to me, held out a book with his crippled and withered arm and asked me to read him a book. He sat right on my lap while I read to him. It just melted my heart and at that moment, I had an awakening. This child was happy, and that's what I want for my Punky. Just because Punky is behind doesn't mean that he will suffer in life - for all I know, this just might be our bump in the road and 10 years from now he will be considered all caught up. I realized that I need to let go this feeling of always explaining and feeling sorry for myself, that I have a beautiful, happy boy that doesn't see life any different and that I have a lot to be thankful for.

Today Punky is continuing therapy sessions at Mary Free Bed and he is finally reaping the reward of his hard work. Last week he started crawling the correct way, on all fours. Before he was doing this weirdy little shuffle that was way harder than crawling the correct way. He also discovered that he could crawl up the stairs. Before I was dreading that stage with my kids (that makes for a busy mama), but I have never been so thankful for seeing my son do that in my life. There were tears of joy seeing the happiness of his accomplishment on Punky's face. This week Punky's now pulling himself up to stand, on everything. Chairs, the couch, his toys, my leg, everything - and it's awesome. Lots of falls along the way (hence the scratch) but I am so proud of him for working so hard. I'm blessed to have my Punky and that he is mine - no matter where he ends up in life.